Cuts on the Bias

Fantasy football has "jumped the shark"...

 

Nothing, I say nothing is more exciting than a Fantasy Football draft!

I've never done Fantasy football before, I always thought you really needed to beef up on stats and study the players year round. NOT TRUE. I mean, I'm sure people do but it's fine if you're totally clueless-like all 10 of us ladies on Sunday night.

We saddled up to our computers, poured some wine and chatted like 12 year olds on IM (provided by ESPN).  You get your order for picking and when it's your turn a stampede of horns blow in your honor. AWESOME. You only get 90 seconds to pick a player, and it's a bit tough to keep up with who was taken or predict who is going to be taken, but that's ok cause you have wine and in between turns you can talk about which player has a nice smile (pictures provided as well).

Today I decorated my helmet, black and tan with turqouise trim. Come September 10th, the serious trash talking begins, and that for sure, is a womans sport.

They're called Winkers

TGIF

How to host a popular TV show if you are a woman

Find long satin-y dress-CHECK
Find typically unattractive man that's weirdly charming so therefor cute to be your sidekick-CHECK
Put said man in a black suit and tie and place him behind you-CHECK
Put hands/or hands on hips-CHECK
Pull hair tightly back-CHECK

Royal Rags

I've found a new role model. At least a new fashion role model. She's Queen Rania of Jordan. True I don't have many state functions to attend and I can't remember the last time I needed a tiara, but look at this woman's clothes - she's exquisite.

Kelley will approve, but she'll also point out (in a kind way) that the Queen is about 2' taller than I am. Point well taken. I'm not thinking I will wear the exact same clothes, I just admire the tone and manner of her wardrobe. She's elegant and appropriate without being predictable. You really have to admire a woman who wears a ruffled skirt and stilettos to meet the pope.

Now here's the problem: Where to I shop for these clothes? I can't zip over to Jordan and my local retailers seem to fixated on ever cheaper versions of rock star gear. I refuse to wear leather pants ever again in my life (sigh of relief from Kelley). I'm oh-so-tired of anything remotely baby doll or puffy. I didn't like punk the first time around and I really don't need to add even more black pieces to my already dark wardrobe. Yet this pretty much sums up what's for sale near me. That, and leather boots, thick sweaters and overcoats - exactly what I need in August.

Cougar Convo

The Society of Single Professionals is hosting the National Single Cougars Convention on Aug 28.

I'm not sure what I think of this. I love parties and believe there should be more of them. I also have no trouble with older women pairing up with younger men, as long as they're out of high school. I'm just not sure a convention is needed. I'm trying hard to imagine why cougars would come together. Doesn't that make the hunt a little harder?

Snoop and Dog

Some days we just want to snoop. There's plenty of options if you're open-minded. Walk through your neighborhood at dusk. Most people have their lights on and their windows open. If you amble, you'll pick up all kinds of interesting dirt. Or there's the slow lunch in a crowded restaurant. It's difficult to pull of if you're with someone, but keep nodding and smiling. They will think you're listening to them instead of the fascinating stranger behind you who's bemoaning her husband's lack of sexual technique.

But what if your voyeuristic tendencies need more room to roam? There's always Perez and similar celebrity buzz sites, but I prefer my gossip unfiltered. Enter Envri -- a new search site that may eventually be the best snoop tool on the planet.

To see it's best features, type in the name of a celebrity you like to dog...let's say, oh i don know, Sarah Palin. Click on her name and you'll go to her page where you find an fun little widget called "Connections." This wheel shows you who or what she is most often connected to in the news. Further down the page, you'll find "Collections," where other viewers have grouped together topics and people they're following. You can browse their collections or start one of your own.  Keep scrolling and you'll find "Trends" a quick chart of how much public noise this particular person has been making. The rest of the site is standard fare, but the company is promising some sci-fi advancements in the future including the ability to "feel" the emotional vib of the web.

Of course this won't really get interesting until it includes my next door neighbors and other dysfunctional types. For now, only the newsworthy are in the mix. But thanks to the ever present need for revenue, Envri will either expand to add my photogenic and highly amusing nephews or it will die.

I, for one, welcome the burkini

Seriously France? A French Muslim woman by the name of Carole was kicked out of a swimming pool in France, citing that her burkini was unhygenic. A naked hoola hooper, however, is totally fine.

I think more women should be wearing burkinis. Put some clothes on. I don't care how great your body is, when you bend down for things I see far too much.

I don't want to get too religious or political here but it was Caroles choice to convert to Islam and she shouldn't have to ignore her religion when it's conveinient to others. Carole was trying to figure out a way to swim with her children and respect her Islamic teachings-outrageous! Just like naked hoola hooper (who is at a beach in Nice, France by the way), she should be able to choose what or what not to wear. And furthermore, how is it unhygenic in a pool if you have more clothing covering your parts? Food for though, have a nice weekend.

Novel ideas

Thankfully, novels have returned to my life. For most of my career, I read non-fiction, "how to" books that taught me to swim with the sharks, follow the fifth discipline, compete for the future and go from good to great. Now, post-career development phase, I have little need for these tomes. I'm not interested in being a highly effective friend or managing my household for profit growth. I want to be entertained. Or inspired. Or scared.

Fortunately, authors are still writing kick-ass fiction and I've found some great summer reads. The Help returned me to the crazy culture clashes of the 60's. Cutting for Stone fed me an overwhelmingly rich, and pleasing dose of Ethiopia. The Guernsey Literary and Potato Peel Pie Society invited me to live with a rural British community as they survived WWII. Maybe having a Kindle helps or maybe having a lazy summer is the reason; regardless, I'm reading volumes more than I have in the past.

Which leads me to my latest online find:  The Book Seer.  Complete the sentence "I've just finished reading ___________. What should I read next?" and the site will provide you with a list of new book recommendations. From what I've seen so far, their recommendations are creative and excellent. My search based on the book "The Shadow Catcher"  rewarded me with a page of new reads, none of which had anything to do with photography or Indians (the easiest match to my book). Bonus round--it's free, it's easy and it's an attractively designed site.

LOOK AT LOOKLET!

Finally technology and fashion has created the perfect little baby, and her name is Looklet! It's paper dolls on some major steroids. Pick your models, pick your clothes and accessories (that's mine above)-I've already spent an hour on the site and I'm 31, if I were 15 I would probably drop out of school and stay at home creating a little fashion army.

My only negative, all the dolls are model size, no real curves. Having styled models for a living I understand why they are all the same size, consistency. If the girls are the same size they won't have to scale the clothes-but just because something is easier doesn't necessarily mean its right.

If they had 5'2 girls or girls that are a size 12, it would help people understand how clothes would look on them-a visual catalog. Hello GAP, Anne Taylor, Lane Bryant are you listening?

Color my day

How do you spend your day, on average? The sleeping part is easy - 6-8 hours a night is the norm for all but the most driven. But what about the rest of your day? How much time do you spend eating? Cleaning house? Watching TV? 

The national averages for these activities are are beautifully captured in a Missoni-looking graphic called "How Different Groups Spend Their Day" recently published by the NY Times. In reading it, I found I watch far less TV than most but spend far more time on the computer. I don't know if "socializing" includes time on Facebook, Twitter and email. If it does, I'm in the mainstream. If it doesn't, I'm a more of loner.

Playing with the graph's interactive buttons lets you see how your future might evolve. According to its morphing color bands, when my youngest leaves home I'm going to work less and watch more TV. Hmm, disappointing. As I age, I'm going to do more household chores and more "leisure activities." The word "leisure" is suspicious. I associate it with polyester. One activity stays consistent unless I decide to become a man - shopping. Ok, as long as that's not just groceries I'm happy.